Steve @ IKEA, you are doing my head in. Last week when I brought in the requested 38 credit card statements (covering the 3 years since my abortive kitchen purchase), you shook my hand, established first name terms, assured me of your good intentions and that I'd be phoned yesterday with the details of my £1600 refund. Instead you send me an email-
hi mrs [ion]
thank you for the statements you provided me with. i have now studied these and it is obvious you have had no money refunded to the visa card you made the original purchase on.
unfortunately i am now compelled to investigate that you were not refunded by any other means. i am aware that you informed us that you have not received any refund, but i am sure you will understand that there is a possibility that a refund by other means could have been obtained.
i hope you understand that this is not ikea saying we do not believe you or in any way suggesting you are deceiving us, but normal security protocol must be followed.
can you forward an email or letter stating your complaint, allowing us to make this matter official and continue with my investigation with the sole purpose of resolving this matter for you.
in your letter or email can you supply us with as much detail as possible of the nature and history behind your complaint, for example why you did not contact us sooner and any other facts behind it taking 3 years to return to the store. this will be of great assistance to my investigation. please can you also copy in- email email@example.com and firstname.lastname@example.org
Here's what I feel like replying-
The reason for my three year delay in requesting a refund, as you detected within 2 minutes of meeting me, is because I'm a fucking mentaller. I couldn't even open mail for 2 years.
Furthermore, I have some questions for you-
a) Why didn't you start your new investigation of mysterious refunds to 'other sources' when I first came in a fucking month ago? I have jumped through hoops to provide 3 years worth of credit card statements for you, as requested, and now it's not enough.
b) Why did you then assure me this week that I'd be refunded yesterday, if there were further processes to endure?
Have a great weekend, Steve, and let me know if you need more empirical proof of my mental status.
Regards, Ms [Ion]
I feel much better for that, by the way.