To the Partygoers
To those who came and enjoyed themselves sensibly, thanks for celebrating the Big Wan's 15th birthday. To you others, you're a disgrace to your families and have only sheep mentality. You're the ones who-
- Stubbed out cigarettes in shoes, the sugarbowl and the sink
- Tossed knives and empty beer tins in the laundry basket, two feet from a bin
- Threw mango pulp on the wall
- Strewed pumpkin seeds all over the house
- Ate everything in the fridge
- Vomited in a bed
- Tipped a suitcase full of clothes into the garden, putting a hole in the anti-pigeon netting outside
- Left hotrock burns in the carpet
- Fucked off home at the the prospect of cleaning up after yourselves
Mother from Hell
PS Whichever of you little fucks stole the landline phone- how stupit are you? The handset only works within 20m of the cradle.
PPS Just discovered some more thanks for hospitality, with my neighbour's help- superglue in my front door lock, now knackered. We've had to kick in the door tonight to get home. It's a comfort to know incontrovertibly that what goes around comes around.