Update

Things are going fine. My correspondent at Disclosure Scotland has gone strangely quiet, but that's OK. If I don't hear back soon, I'll re-send the emails as registered snail mail in case these mysteriously never arrived in her in-box.

Frankly, were I her I'd pass my dispute like a hot potato to the next level (Sussex Police) so that I can instigate my dispute-proper with them. It's Sussex Police Force who are refusing to remove improperly disclosed information from the PNC, not BT's Disclosure Scotland.

Interestingly, two recent Disclosure policy documents I've found from 1996 and 2000 indicate that my 1984 drug possession charge should have been expunged/stepped down in 1994, not 2004!

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The Nazi Papa and I had an informal meeting on Monday, which proceeded just as anticipated with no negotiation on his side. It's his way or the highway. But unlike two years ago, I am much surer and more confident that I am not a poor parent, and thus there were no tears or shouting on my part at his intransigent stance. The worst things I said, after an hour of stonewalling, were that his dictats can only harm his relationship with the Big Wan and that if he refuses to budge I will haul his ass to Family Mediation. But these are facts- not threats or opinions.

I do feel bad that I've nicknamed him the Nazi Papa here. However, this is to protect his anonymity, and because the term 'kiddos' dad' becomes unwieldy when I'm referring to 'kiddos' dad's dad', 'kiddos' dad's sister' etc. It's difficult to properly explain here that I maintain regard for him despite our rather acrimonious break-up, and that I think his heart (if not his head) is in the right place parenting-wise.

Nazi Papa has always found a pre-emptive strike the best form of defense, so I wasn't surprised when he kicked off with asking me about my home rules for smoking tobacco by the Fraggles. Luckily, I had instituted a ban on smoking inside my flat by any Fraggle, whether legally of age or not, and each and every one has been personally informed that I will remove the organs of generation of any who gives my son cigarettes.

However, I also assured Nazi Papa from the top that I too would like to see the Big Wan do well academically this year for his Uni entrance exams, but not if it pushes him into social isolation or reactive rebellion.

I was unsurprised when Nazi Papa brought up his two elder brothers (both now GPs) as models of an ideal 5th Year experience. Both were entirely asocial at school so had no social or cultural life to impinge on study time. However, one (the eldest) has been a bona fide psychopath since childhood. The other became an excellent and well-loved GP (serving many of the young homeless and sexually abused of our area), but as far as anyone is aware has never had an intimate relationship in his ~50 years of life.

Apparently the Big Wan's Standard exam scores of 7 Credits from 8 exams was piss-poor, so now he must learn to do better through the stick with no carrot. The most telling statement from our parental meeting was Nazi Papa's belief that Big Wan must now submit to total control, in order to learn responsibility! This was my absolute favourite double-think. So... we lock him down for an entire year to get good exam results, and expect that from this he will thus achieve an internal motivation engine. Right....

Nazi Papa had some curious definitions of nighttime social activities. For instance, he swore blind that he'd allowed Big Wan out every night during his custodial weekend (last weekend). On examination, these three nights-out transpired to be curfewed at 6.30 pm on Friday and 5 pm on Saturday. Big Wan was allowed out to meet friends on Sunday night (after being kept in all day) for 1.5 hrs from 6.30 pm to 8 pm. That's 'out' three nights of the weekend?

Nazi Papa maintains opposition to the after-school club job on Friday afternoons, because a) Big Wan would be better attending the Youth Filmhouse Group in that time slot and b) because my grandmother's inheritence (held by me in trust for him) means he won't have to work at Uni.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. a) Big Wan already threw in the Filmhouse group because 'it was all Fettes' pupils' (Tony Blair types) and b) no way is Big Wan getting his hands on his very small inheritance until he can demonstrate a responsible aptitude with money.

Currently, the cards on the table are that:
a) Nazi Papa has no right to dictate how I raise kiddos in my 50% parenting time.
b) That if Nazi Papa continues to exercise inappropriate control in his time, my natural reaction will be to relax control in my time.
c) We will meet again in 2 weeks to see if Big Wan is meeting Nazi Papa's criteria, for a review of Big Wan's freedoms from Nazi Papa.
d) If Nazi Papa continues with the stick and no carrot, I will haul his ass to Family Mediation with the Big Wan, to explain in front of a counsellor his reasons to imprison a bright, normal young adult.