HPV and me 4- MRSA

I'm 2 lbs lighter after Monday's op and 2 inches smaller in waist size! Thank the Lord and the NHS for fixing me up!

I was last on the surgical list, because (as I learned) routine tests had shown another iatrogenic problem: that I (or more specifically my fanny) carries the MRSA bug. Thank you Baby Jesus!

My lovely surgical nurse explained to me that the NHS stopped testing health care workers for MRSA long ago, when pilot studies showed that >70% of hospital staff like me are asymptomatic but colonised carriers of MRSA. Public health policy, I have since learned, is one of "Don't test, don't ask, don't tell".

Knowledge of my MRSA colonisation meant that I had to be 'done' last, and transferred from Day Surgery to a ward for barrier nursing while I came round. Like most carriers I'm asymptomatic, and only discovered my status because of incidental tests. The surgeons recommended I see Occupational Health, and since this is me at my workplace, I phoned NHS24 to seek advice.

Given Day Surgery's 'get her out of here' reaction, I kinda thought NHS24 would be on red alert, advising me to sterilise everything I touched, signing me off work and banning me from patient contact till treated. I felt dirty, and intensely concerned for my colleagues' and patients' safety. However... NHS policy is that asymptomatic MRSA carriers like me should not be treated (since they'll just be re-colonised next week) and should continue regardless, implementing just the standard hygiene practices such as hand-washing and glove use.

The NHS24 nurse was thick enough to tell me that since I don't use my fanny for work, I pose no infection risk. She was stumped when I pointed out the logical fallacy and error of omission: that a lack of testing of my other skin areas is not evidence that only my fanny 'has' MRSA. Personally, rationally, scientifically, I'd conjecture that MRSA flora in one's fanny gives a high likelihood of MRSA colonisation of other skin areas.

However, after a course of an appropriate antibiotic (on which I insisted) I am probably now 'clean'. At least until the next time I touch a door handle at work and am re-colonised, through transmission from one of my healthy, untested and blissfully unaware colleagues or patients.