Education

You learn something new everyday. Here was I asking R. for a 'phone charm' when the proper term is apparently 'phone dangly' (discovered in my local Tesco Metro). That's the kind of descriptive language we like. Please ask for a 'dangry' in Taipei, R.

This year I am hoping for a new job and a rich boyfriend. The job should be lucrative, jolly and part-time, while the boyfriend should be a time-served tradesman who expresses his adoration by slaving on my flat while stripped to the waist. No- scratch that. I already had one such who scarred floors, walls and fireplace by insisting on sanding and sealing while off his face on methadone and cheap cider. The next handyman boyfriend was abstemious but authoritarian, clinically paranoid and sadistic- an even worse combination of traits. Those both are now ancient history, but suffice it to say that my judgement of character has not improved since then, and Peter Ballocks (though probably willing) is not anyone's idea of a catch. Just the new job then, please.

In a moment of weakness I related to the big wan the derivation of my childhood nickname, and now he's mercilessly tormenting me with this information. In retaliation, I've been jokingly inviting him to tell me his big secret- that he's gay. I only tease about this because it's (so far) not true, but he's quick as a whip. "Who's the gay one, mum, when my score is Girlfriends-1 and yours Boyfriends-nil?" Touche, big wan. Girlfriends are easy to find and easy to lose at his age, with median 'relationship' duration of perhaps one week and two snogging sessions. Yes, I remember it well. Let this teach us that big wan shall never, never discover the reasons his dad and I were almost expelled from his high school at 16, lest it give him license to behave as we did. Luckily we were both required for exam result and university entrance statistics and thus reprieved. So far his dad is thankfully maintaining the 'loose lips sink ships' stonewall. Phew!