Commercial break

Maybe it's Murrcan influence, but I thought I'd do some personal advertising. After all, I had a jetlagged week of these stateside from those half-hour infomercials at 3 am on cable TV.

They can really educate a person, especially a sleep-deprived and jetlagged one. I learned that my slight middle-aged abdominal spread is not my fault, but due to stress and increased cortisol secretion! And there are over-the-counter treatments for these! I also learned I can have buns and abs of steel for just 159.99 per month in three easy payments! God- if only I'd known before now before I became a Cranach pear.

Anyways- here's my top consumer tips this week. My previous power to post images has now escaped me, so even the lazy will just have to click the links.

1. Liz Christy, a weaver in Eire. My dad bought for me one of her scarves, a textile piece based on impressionist colour spectra of Monet's 'Waterlilies' colours, during a memorable midgie-infested trip to Skye last summer. I lost this dear friend during some bartrawl this spring, and it was sorely missed. Liz has kindly supplied me from her jewelled loom a replacement- this beauty.

2. Catriona Grant- Scottish photographer, exhibiting now in Glasgow, as before in Belfast and NY too. My mum and I, both of whose bums have featured in her work, hope to go through for her opening on Saturday. Not to be confused with this Catriona Grant, another interesting and worthwhile Catriona.

3. American Spirit- cigarettes. You know you shouldn't smoke tobacco, but if you do why not have something without big sticks, or grammes of added saltpetre.

4. Ion Color Defense Hair Care Solution- My hair is wrecked from a late predeliction for being blonde and not sandy. My previously smooth and shiny locks these days sometimes resemble an albino afro , and my hairdresser has recommended urgent action, because I'm worth it... But seriously- this stuff (the conditioner) is the best softener for chemically-toasted hair, bar henna (and that could have alarming consequences currently, I've yet come across- and all because I just liked the name.

Normal programming will resume shortly.